Fear is Our Pornography
My friend Matt sad to me, “Fear is the new pornography. The more we get it, the more we want it.” It's a good comparison.
When a person looks at porn they are stimulated, excited and aroused. While it makes one feel alive it actually makes them more numb to any real connection outside themselves. Fear is not much different. It arouses emotions that raise our blood pressure and increases heart rate. We become increasingly defended and lose any real ability for deep connection with others.
Those who peddle fear - pastors, politicians, media personalities - are pornographers. They exploit us to get something they want. They use fear as a tactic to build a following. And it works.
It’s almost as if we don’t know what to do if we are not scared of something. Fear has not only become our guide; it has also blinded us to what truer living outside of fear may actually look like. It’s because of the fear that lies deeply in many of us.
We cling to a fear that there is something about us that if someone else learns about they will not accept us. This fear is called “shame.” Rather than address this, we cover up. We buy into the lie that if we hate ourselves, then there is no way anyone else could possibly love us.
Our fear is rooted in self-hatred. Henri Nouwen observed that self-hatred is the most prevalent sin in the church, and sadly one of the least addressed. I think he is spot on. If our personal lives are conditioned by fear, then when fear is communicated it makes sense to us.
The way out of this then, is to confess our self-hatred and move toward self-love and acceptance. The first step toward this is to see ourselves with the love, mercy, grace, and compassion of God. It’s to see yourself as God sees you – as his beloved.
It’s not hard to find people who have moved past self-hatred. They are the ones who don’t get caught up in backbiting, fear mongering, and petty arguments. More than that, it’s easy to see who those people are because they are typically the biggest targets for the people who are the most afraid.
We must never forget that when we are liberated from fear we invite others to be liberated as well. That prospect, for many, is more terrifying than almost anything else. And that terror will produce a lot of anger and destructiveness – all rooted in fear.
A couple of weeks ago we explored this idea of shame, fear and self-hatred at Denver Community Church. Our hope is that we all experience the liberation that only love can bring, for as John reminds us in his letter the to Church, “… love drives out fear.”