i don't want to be a man

Today, Myles and I were walking through a store, rounded a corner, and came to the hunting section. He pointed and said in his little voice, “Daddy wha’ are dose?” I looked and said, “Those are guns.” He then said, “Wha’ are dey for?” I replied, “They are for killing things.” He then said, “Do you kill things?” I said, “No, buddy Daddy doesn’t kill things.”

As we were talking I saw a few guys with field camo shirts on that were nicely blending into the background of the department store. One of them must have caught my “Daddy doesn’t kill things comment” as he kind of gave me a puzzled look. Part of me felt a little weird. I wanted to rip my shirt in half, wipe some of the deer scent on me, beat my chest, and eat a bear heart just to show that I was tough … that I was a man.

That I was a man? Is this really what my identity as a man has come to? I am not pointing the finger at hunters as people who do this simply because they are a man. I do think however that the idea of being a guy has really been misunderstood in our world. Worse than that is seeing guys who have bought into the idea of what culture has told us men are to be.

While I hate labels, I watch the television and see the following labels. The TV tells me that guys love to eat, a lot, and that having a gut is cool because we eat so much. If you happen to have a gut it is really funny to gross your wife out with said gut.

If you are a guy you when you are not thinking about food you are thinking about sex. Women are mere targets to us, because as men we cannot do anything to control ourselves. If we are guys who have any respect for women, or treat them with respect we are dorks.

Guys like cars (and should know a lot about fixing them), and the only mode of transport better than cars are motorcycles.

Guys do not like to read, and would much prefer banging painted bare chests with other guys at a football game in the snow than ever learn something.

Guys have no motivation to do anything, and only ever do anything good while being yelled at by their wife as they roll their eyes at her.

Guys love guns, explosions, blood, and anything that smacks of violence or destruction. The only thing better than watching these kinds of things on television is actually performing them to a lesser degree by using fireworks, or shooting Bambi’s mom.

By these standards I do not want to be a man. Not that I am saying I want to be a woman, but whatever being a guy has become, it is just not something I want to be.

Now some of you are thinking, “Well every guy I know is like this.” If you are thinking this, then I say to you, “We have a crisis of epic proportions.” Might I remind you of what I wrote at the beginning of this blog:

Worse than that is seeing guys who have bought into the idea of what culture has told us men are to be.

I have become frustrated with people who perpetuate what our culture has told us what we are to be. We have bought into this whole “man” thing way to much. I have a friend who has been caught in sin. He and I were talking about the fact that he was going to go before the board at his church out east and ask forgiveness for his sinfulness. He said to me, “My buddies told me that I had to be a man, get tough, and own up to what I did wrong.” I said back to him, “What does asking forgiveness of your faith community for what you have done have to do with you having a penis?” I continued, “You have chosen to do the right thing. Your sin has affected your community, but your asking forgiveness has more to do with being a disciple of Jesus. If you were a woman you should be doing the same thing.”

Why have we made courage, toughness, and honor a thing about men? Honestly, Esther had more courage than most any man I know. Deborah was tougher than many of the other judges. If we are to speak of honor, should we look any further than the mother of Jesus? Can we stop profiling men please? While men may say that they resemble many of the things described earlier, many are that way because we have been told, and shown, our whole life that this is the way we are supposed to be. If anyone is told something about themselves long enough they will believe it.

Men have started to believe what they have been told. Buying into these messages is what is wrong with so many of us. So guys, stop acting like guys (the better label for what our culture has told us we are is “idiot”), and start acting like Jesus. This is where all people, man or woman, will find themselves and our truest identity.

the gospel on computers

Some of you know that on Wednesday Nights at 7:00PM in October we will have Mid-Week Sessions at Ridge Point. These are times that are more like a classroom than a sermon style Sunday service. It is a time to ask questions, interrput with your own thoughts, and discuss things with friends.

I have been doing some writing to go along with the teachings and wanted to give out some samples to you. Each blog is a small part of a larger chapter ... the completed chapters will be part of a series called Derasha. They will be available soon. There will be three more blogs relating specifically to Mid-Weeks in October. I will be sure to label each blog ...

This is the first, and is a preview of what we will discuss on Ocotober 4 at 7:00PM:

Just the other day, I was speaking with someone about the internet. I remarked that when I was in college it was not until I was a junior before we really knew what the internet was (for some of you this comment makes you feel very young, for others it makes you feel old). We were in fact so ignorant to the internet in many ways we were like Homer Simpson who once said, “Wow, they have the internet on computers now!”

I remember when we took classes to learn about what this thing was. We asked questions like, “Where is the internet exactly?” We were told things like, “Right now the internet is being called the information super-highway, however it is a virtual dirt road compared to what it will be in ten years.” We were utterly amazed that we could contact someone in Japan in milliseconds for free. We could not get over the convenience of email (at this point Instant Messenger did not exist).

Indeed the internet has brought a new reality to us. With the advent of things like Myspace.com, eBay, blogs, and the ability to contact anyone anywhere at anytime our culture has changed. The internet brought to us a new reality.

The Gospel is like this, it brings to us a new reality. It is not something that we can say, “Where is it?” The Gospel is not just ideas, thoughts and beliefs. The Gospel is the good news. It is something to proclaim, to perform, and something that calls us to a radical reorientation of living.

Our culture does well with formulas. Formulas are static, and they do not change. If the world comes crashing down around us, we will always know that two plus two still equals four. Formulas are safe, they can be measured, and have clear definitions of right and wrong.

Formulas once communicated well to our culture. We could understand things if they were laid out end-to-end in logical order. For years we did this with the Gospel. It became something simple, and easy to grasp. Men and women could walk a person through the good news of the Kingdom in a few steps. The downside to this is that a large part of the story was left out.

The formula, which is known by some as The Four Spiritual Laws, focused on two things. The first was our sin, which kept us from communion with God in heaven. The second part of the formula focused on our getting to heaven through the death of Jesus.

We would agree that these two issues are certainly part of the Gospel; however it is not the Gospel in total. We do ourselves an injustice when we make the individual getting into heaven the primary focus of the story. While each man and woman is called to repentance, Jesus died for the world. His plan was about more than getting a person into heaven. Jesus showed us that God’s interest is to bring heaven to everyone on this earth.

His Gospel is for everyone.

it always hurts

Every living person has experienced pain in their lives. For some it has been as trivial as stubbing his or her toe. For others it has been much more serious. While there are varying degrees of pain there is one thing that all pain has in common. It hurts, and we never forget it.

How many times have you been privy to a “war wounds” discussion while in a room full of athletes? You know what I mean? One begins to tell about an ankle injury … then another about a wrist … then a leg … then a hip … then a body. For some reason, even with physical injury we have a difficult time forgetting about it.

Recently I was having a discussion with a friend who just got worked over by some close friends of his. He was betrayed, lied to, hurt, and treated in a way that most would not treat their dog. He remarked that he does not know what to do when it comes to forgiving those who hurt him. He then talked about forgetting about this, and getting over it.

I began to think about hurt … I asked him if we should really forget about our hurt. So often I hear others say, “get over it.” I wonder if we should. I am not advocating that we all wander in sorrow for all the days of our life. This would be like limping around 3 years after twisting an ankle.

As hard as we try we will never forget times that we hurt. We ought not to be people who allow ourselves to be controlled by the pain, but forgetting about it all together? Pain shapes us and molds us … sometimes for better or worse. Each time we remember pain, we still wince. There is something about it that still hurts a little. Not as bad as it once did … but it hurts nonetheless.

I wonder how God the Father feels if, like the disciples, when he looks at his son Jesus he sees the nail marks in his hands. How does the Father feel when he thinks about having to turn his back on his son and abandon him in his darkest moment? How does Jesus feel about the moment in which he embraced the suffering, sin, and damnation of the world? Is there that twinge in their gut when they think of this time?

One thing is for sure, and that is this: Pain stinks. However, when we try to live our lives acting like it never happened, it seems futile. We have to be people who recognize the pain that has been in our life in the past, and recognize how it has shaped us into who we are.

In my life I regularly encounter people who have experienced pain in their life. I have learned that they do not want easy answers. They do not want to someone to say, “It will be okay.” They do not want any kind of false hope. They can sniff out inauthentic answers in no time. I have had pain in my life. It has shaped me, broken me, and in some ways profoundly changed me.

So when someone speaks of pain in his or her life, I just tell them, “It hurts, and you never have to forget that.” Who knows maybe this is really bad advice, but maybe we would all be better off if we weren’t in such a hurry to get better. For it is in our suffering that we can identify with Jesus.

if it were up to me

I was in a school play when I was in the 3rd grade. I really don’t remember what it was about, but I do know that it was a Christmas pageant. Therefore, I do know that it was about Jesus being born at some level. But, as all pageants go, there is always more fluff around the story.

I remember I was a shepherd. My costume design was, well interesting really. I wore an old Dallas Cowboys bathrobe inside out, so that no one would see the big Dallas Star. I had a pair of sandals on. Then I had a hand towel wrapped around my head. Yep, I know, we are talking about some serious costume design.

There was one song called, If It Were Up to Me. It was a bunch of kids singing solos about how Jesus would have come to earth, if only it were up to them. No surprise, that I was not one of those kids who sang the solo.

For my part, I did have several supporting roles in my elementary school acting career. I played Grumpy Bell in The Little Bell that Wouldn’t Stop Ringing. I was the Prophet Moses in some Easter Cantata in which I wore a huge white beard, which made an 8 year old kid look like a pre-pubescent Gandalf. I played an Israelite kid named Joad in some play about being in the Wilderness after the Exodus. I did have one solo singing the lyric, “If I were an octopus, I’d thank you Lord for my good looks” (not so obviously typecast) in the totally not famous musical Agapeopolis (what does my exact recollection of my elementary stage career say about my need for embrace and identity?).

So anyway … ahem … These kids sang their little part about Jesus coming to earth. One lyric that I can remember was:

If it were up to me,
I think that he should go,
As some kind of great hero,
Someone everyone would know,
He would be the greatest of all time,
He would never have to stand in line,
You see,
If it were up to me.

At that point the kid singing it would nod their head with a big “stage smile”, while putting their thumb to their chest. Their parents sit, smile proudly at one another, look around to see who noticed that it was their child singing these lines of heresy, and snap photos.

So now, 20 plus years later I sit and think … thank God it was not up to some sniveling kid in New York to decide how Jesus came. I have often quoted Philippians 2, the somewhat famous passage in which Paul writes a hymn about the crucified and risen Jesus. Over the weekend I heard a comment about Jesus that led me to think of this passage differently.

Paul says that Jesus, “… did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage.” Rather Jesus embraced suffering. Jesus embraced death, scorn, mockery, crucifixion, and abandonment by his own father. Jesus did not come and say, “Hey ya’ll sorry about not being able to help you out, but I’m, uh, well, I’m God you know.” He came as a man walked around in the midst of the poor. He saw, identified and embraced the suffering in our world. Then, as only he could, he carried the cross and took our sin and shame on himself.

He embraced suffering.

Now he calls his people to follow him. Jesus says to men and women to follow him, to look like him, and to do the things that he did. This means that we must be men and women, who like Jesus, identify with others through the embrace of their shame and suffering. We need to live in the shadow of the suffering Jesus. We must live each moment aware of the grace that his suffering meant.

If this is the case, then we cannot look at the poor, the widow, the orphan, the immigrant, or anyone else who does not have a voice and do nothing. If we follow Jesus, then to identify with all men and women and embrace their suffering cannot be an option.

This is hard isn’t it? After all, if it were up to me, I think that I should go, as some kind of great hero, someone everyone should know … Rather may God send us. May we carry his cross each day for the good of our world.

remember

I am currently reading a book called Foolishness to The Greeks: The Gospel and Western Culture. I know some of you are thinking, “Wow, sounds like a real page turner.” Nonetheless, it is a great book exploring how we can best proclaim and perform the gospel in our world and to our culture.

As I was reading, Lesslie Newbigin (the author) gives a brief history of the church in Western (Modern) Culture. He showed that the Church began to imitate culture, in the way she spoke of the Gospel. The Church used such things as the scientific method, and she often fell victim to rugged individualism. He showed how the Church often did such things over the last 2,000 years.

He spoke about how when we focus solely on our culture in the present we can lose the sense of history that we have. The history of the church includes men and women like Mary Magdelene, Peter, The Apostle Paul, Augustine, Thomas Aquinas, Martin Luther, Sojourner Truth, Martin Luther King Jr., and Mother Theresa. We have a legacy that has been given to us. Moreover, we have a future about which we must always think. With this in mind I began thinking about the Church now.

Are we looking like our culture, while not remembering our history and (as important) looking ahead to our promised future? I thought about all the times I hear of people not liking something about their church. Maybe it is a certain kind of music … a certain style of preaching (believe me I have heard a lot about this one) … the atmosphere … the way people dress. The list is endless.

While we can never fully separate our personality from our experiences in community of the Triune God, I wonder if we could understand the expressions of worship more fully if we considered the breadth and depth of the Body of Christ.

I have spoken to people who cannot stand old hymns (My personal favorite is Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing). They prefer new songs. Some prefer the more upbeat songs, some enjoy the more contemplative songs. Again, while there is nothing wrong with what one likes, I wonder do we even know why we are singing in the first place?

I read these words by Newbigin, and wrote this in the book …

Rather than recapture an understanding of why we do what we do, we changed what we do. The problem is we still have no idea why we do what we do.

The History of God’s people is rich and wonderful. We can capture so much just from the generation before us … and our job is to pass it on to the generation behind us. So how can we remember?

Tell stories and listen to stories.

The older men and women in our faith communities have so much to pass on to us. They remember well. They were told. I do not believe they have stopped telling the stories, I think the younger has just stopped listening. So let’s listen, learn and remember. For if we do not we are bound to repeat the transgressions that are also a part of our history.

church in the bar

“There is more authenticity at a bar than at church.”

This was part of the conversation that my friend and I had on Friday night. He was in town visiting from Detroit, and I met him late on Friday. We hung out for a time, and then I drove him to his car, because his ride had left. We found ourselves talking about those we had just spent some time with.

One of them was investigating Eastern Mystery Religions, and was fascinated by a professor at Grand Valley who taught Eastern Religions. I tried to talk about Ghandi, who while he followed the teachings of Jesus did not consider himself a Christian (funny, he seems the exact opposite of many today who do consider themselves Christians). We chatted about what it means to be religious, and rather openly shared our views on God, Catholicism, and Christianity.

Another guy began talking passionately about cigars vs. cigarettes. He then went into a Mussolini styled speech about the devilishness of cigarettes. I asked him if he thought himself opinionated, and we laughed. He then told us about his grandfather whom he loved who had throat cancer because of smoking cigarettes. He explained this is why he gets so intense about those who still choose to smoke.

Why do people feel so comfortable talking about issues at a bar? I know a few of these people, but I am by no means an old friend (no, it is not because they have had too much to drink). Maybe the church should start meeting in a bar (careful, this is how the Reformation started).

I think about how the church can often be. I recall a friend of mine who once said to a pastor, “Your attitude tells me that it is not safe to ask spiritual questions in church.” I think about this and cringe, not because it was said to a pastor, but what he said was true. I then think about the number of times I have had a spiritual dialogue over a beer with someone who would never set foot in a church. One time I was in the middle of a conversation with a friend who finally said, “Alright man, this is cool, but I can’t do the beer and Jesus thing.”

What would it be like if the Church were a place to speak about our hurt, our pain, our dark places, and not fear betrayal? My friend was concerned that she might be weighing others down with her problems. She was told by someone close to her not to worry because while she listened to her problems, she really did not think about them much, so really she wasn’t weighing anyone down with her problems.

I suppose I do not need to tell stories about people who have been hurt by others in the church because of sharing part of their lives in confidence. I do not need to write about the way some who have been treated poorly who have been dealing with sin in their lives.

It is striking that so often some within the Church act as if they have all the answers to life’s questions, yet these are the same people who do not provide a safe place to ask difficult questions. Something tells me that God can handle any question we pose to Him.

We speak so often of wanting authenticity … this cannot happen until we are authentic. We cannot demand it from others without first being authentic ourselves. The Church needs to be the group of people with whom we experience the truest authenticity … if you are not sure what authenticity looks like, I know of a place you can go to experience it.

final authority

A friend of mine and I were having an “email dialogue” about the Bible recently. The discussion revolved around the Bible being the "... the final authroity." As we emailed, he said, “Dude, why don’t you put this on your blog" … so here it is.

I asked him about the statement that says the Bible is the final authority on all things and said,

Can we consider this? Paul says to Timothy the Text is “God-breathed ...” Was this only one time? Did god just breathe it to the writer's when they were writing or is this part of the ongoing ministry of the Spirit of God? Is he breathing the words to his community so that we may hear them as he also empowers us to receive and understand his words ... all in community?

The statement “Final authority” causes us to be more responsible with what we say about the Text. We cannot say emphatically “This is biblical!” When we rely on the Spirit we are admitting and claiming a reliance on the spirit which brings us to a place of humility. We cannot be arrogant as though we have the only correct understanding and anything else is wrong.

We as a the people of God then hear from God's Spirit through His Word.

It's like the bible is the microphone and the Spirit is the voice. The spirit speaks these words to us. How miraculous is that ... the Spirit in our midst as we hear the words! Many believe that when Jesus said, “Where two are three are gathered there I am in their midst,” that he was actually referring to study! We also then rely on the Holy Spirit to speak to us as a community and we expect to hear from him as together we work through an understanding of the text.

If this is the case, then the final authority is really the Triune God. The Bible points to this. Jesus himself says, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me” (Matt 28.18). The Bible continually points to God as the one who has all authority (See Isaiah, and Revelation).

Maybe we should say "... the Triune God, who is the final authority on all things, speaks to the community of God through the Text, and empowers them to hear and understand through his Spirit and His ministry of illumination."

So my friend replied:

The conundrum is that the Spirit speaks not only through the Bible. He also speaks directly in messages that agree with the Bible. Also, if we say the Spirit is the final authority are we opening the door to individuals saying, "Well, the Spirit told me?"

I then wrote:
I hear you ... A few thoughts ...
For sure the spirit speaks in many ways … One theologian says,
"The proper principle of authority within the Christian Church must be ... The Holy Spirit speaking in the Scriptures, which are the product of the Spirit's revelation and inspiration." If this is true then we need to be "on our guard" against rugged individualism that reduces the voice of the spirit to a personal conversation ... the problem of a subjective interpretation, or a relative understanding occurs only when we put the primary focus on the individual and not the community. So when it does come to "illumination" through the Spirit it must happen in community "... where two or three are gathered." We were not intended to always study alone.
As for a person "hearing a word from the Lord." Again, I would appeal to the community and to the Text. We cannot say, the Spirit is the authority therefore the text is null and the community is void. Rather, we must recognize the Scripture as the means through which God reveals himself, and therefore recognize that the Text comes first before theology, personal opinion, and "revelatory messages." With this said then ... if a person was to come and say, "... the Spirit said to me ..." If that were contrary to the Text or the understanding of the community we could stand united and question what he or she said.
So who has the authority? It seems as though it is the God who wrote the Bible. For those who say the Bible is the final authority … it is the Bible tells us that all authority belongs to God.

on god's side?

I know that for some to realize that God is not a “lapel pin wearing” republican may come as a surprise. For others to wrestle with the implications of God not being a “card carrying” democrat may be as equally shocking. The real jolt to many people’s system is this … God is not a “red blooded” American. Now many of you know this deep down inside, but we do try and call our side the “side of God”, and we all are guilty of doing so. As soon as we call our political stance “biblical” or claim any divine moral superiority for what we believe then we are in fact saying God is a _________________ (put appropriate label here).

This whole thought process gets even darker for some when they are forced to confront the idea that God is not a member of the Chrisitan Reformed Church (once this is dealt with we do need to move forward. For example we need to also come to grips with the fact that God is also not Dutch ... or even white for that matter). While you are laughing and pumping your fist … may I remind you He is also not Baptist, Episcopal, Catholic, Lutheran, or “non-denominational.” God is God. Sometimes I think we are less like him beneath our religious labels than we are like him.

I say this because I am tired of religion and politics that draws sharp dividing lines. I can scarcely say the name Hillary Clinton in some circles without hearing a sigh, and ugghh, or see a roll of the eyes. Conversely I cannot talk about our President without hearing a complaint about him, and his narrow-minded gun-slinging apporach to war. I place myself in this. I do it all the time. There are things on both sides that I want to pick at. As we are caught in our debates people are dying, injustice in spilling out into our streets, and hunger is harassing innocent people.

We need to stop the protests.

It is easy to say what you are against.

We need to state what we are for.

It is amazing to me how quickly the Michigan gubernatorial race has already begun turning the corner toward unkind speech. The Republican side has gone the way of patronizing, “back-handed” compliments about our governor before she even released her own official advert. Why? Tell me what you are about, not what the other person may or may not do well.

Last night I listened to a speech from Sen. Barack Obama. He reflected on his senate election race alongside his opponent Alan Keyes. Alan Keyes came out blasting him stating emphatically, “Barack Obama cannot be a follower of Jesus.” Sen. Obama reflected that while he was instructed not to reply, he felt he had to because of his deep commitment to God and his Son Jesus. Imagine two men who serve the same God divided because of political issues.

We compare notes about our churches. We toss around the term biblical to scare others into thinking that what we say has authority or merit so as to shut down the argument. We refuse to lock arms with one another because one thinks the Rapture is imminent and the other thinks the Rapture is absurd.

Can we just all stop the pithy arguments?

There are men and women starving, and who lack clean drinking water. Meanwhile, bureaucrats, “Christians”, and politicians sit and argue about their differences even differneces over the issue of poverty. As they do, these men and women who are poor are dying (one every three seconds) while a person menacingly for his or her point.

What could happen if we could lay down our differences and lock arms with one another? Part of me believes that by doing this we would not only be “proclaiming good news for the poor”, but we would also gain much needed credibility in our global world. The amount of resources that we have at our disposal is amazing. Let’s do what we can together to use our voice, influence, money, time, energy … no “one” will be able to claim it is their own victory, it will be ours. We can win … but we have to do it together.

So, the next time you find yourself upset by someone else’s politics find your common ground. Move forward to help the poor in your midst together. The next time you see someone reading Left in Flames (or any other book series that may be similar), bite your tongue step-up and recognize that the spirit of the sovereign Lord is upon you to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor. Differences will never go away … but together we can overcome these to change the world.